Duke City Dogs
by Les Morrow
It showed incredible ecological genius,
An invention with perfect design,
With ease it accomplished its purpose
In a way that just blew the mind.
It pulled prairie dogs right outa' their burrows,
They were swept as quick as a flash.
It would take rocks and dirt, even rattlesnakes,
And I suppose all the prairie dogs' trash.
It was really the perfect invention.
Animal rights folks were put to their ease,
The way dogs were swept from their pathways,
It was painless and quick as you please.
The machine? A converted street sweeper,
Refabbed in a New Mexico town.
It created tremendous air suction.
They'd slip the hose right over a mound.
Now can you imagine that day in the burrow?
Let's say it happens along about noon.
You've got the rodents at home in the kitchen,
Lookin' sorta like a Farside Cartoon.
Well, just as Mom pulled a bowl from the refer,
It was probably a mixture of greens,
She was gone in a flash through the tunnel,
It had swept her right out of her jeans!
She was followed by Dad with paper,
Uncle Bill in for dinner cross town,
Amy Lou from her room down the hallway,
Little Willie with his prairie dog clown.
Just like that the whole family was airborne,
All dumped in a prairie dog pool.
Down the road they left in a transport,
Victims of prairie dog urban renewal.
Do you remember the cause of this project?
To preserve an endangered species.
Forget the havoc they wreck on your pastures,
It's animal rights folks we don't want to displease.
But, alas, what to do with the varmints?
This part's unplanned, you might say.
If released, they'd escape to their homelands,
We'll relocate them the American way!
We'll handle their needs, don't you worry,
Provide government housing, prairie dog style.
We'll build their new homes with machinery,
Just like home, leaving dirt in a pile.
We'll remove all their waste (checked by OSHA),
Feed them Purina Prairie Dog Meal,
A complete comprehensive health care plan,
With free vaccine to sweeten the deal.
They'll not want for a thing, I assure you.
Their lives will be full as can be.
We'll arrange for their psychoanalysis,
Insisting on prairie dog psychotherapy.
Now, they'll need some help with planned parenthood,
It's their choice, we'll not push them with this.
Try to limit to on litter per season,
Pay a bonus if they totally miss.
We'll need a commission to watch over things.
They'll report up the chain of command,
With checks and balances and hiring quotas,
And a tuba to play in the band..
I think my plan is a winner,
The things I say, I say with assurety.
The one question I have before I leave here,
Reckon what's the latest
On prairie dog Social Security?
Les Morrow is veterinarian in Clovis, New Mexico. He's published a book of his poetry, When Pigs Fly, that is available by writing: Prairie Dog Publishing Co. PO Box 1834 Clovis, NM 88102
